Louder in Love?

I read the following article in a local newsletter celebrating Valentine’s Day. It touched my heart and made me reflect on my own attitudes. I am presenting it here ‘as-is’ for all the coaches out there.

A theology professor was teaching about proverbs. He asked his students, “Why do we shout in anger?” “Why do people shout at each other when they are angry?”

The students thought for a while. One of them said, “Because we lose our calm, we shout.” “Why shout when the other person is just next to you?” asked the professor. “Isn’t it possible to speak to the person with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you are angry?”

The students gave some other answers; and none satisfied the professor.  Finally he explained, “When two people are angry at each other, their hearts psychologically distance themselves. To cover the distance, they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will shout to hear each other through the great distance.”

Then the professor further explained, “What happens when two people really love each other?” “They don’t shout at each other; they talk softly. Because their hearts are psychologically very close; the distance between them is very small. When they love each other even more, they do not have to speak, only whisper. The closer they love, the less they speak and more they understand each other.” He concluded.

So, next time you shout at a loved one, know that you are creating a distance between your heart and that person’s heart. 

Hope you all felt loved during this Valentine’s Day celebration. Whisper!

Kam Gupta, Past President, ICF-C. E-mail: Citkam@gmail.com

Web Watch #6

Nurturing is not just for motherhood – it is also a critical quality for a successful coaching business! Written by Teresia LaRocque, MCC--a Canadian coach.  http://icfheadquarters.blogspot.com/

Nurturing my coaching business…what a different way to think about marketing…and maybe because I am female and also a mother, it speaks to me. I get nurturing whereas marketing carries more fear, at least for me. How will I market my business? Just saying it gives me anxiety.  If I flip that thought process to, how will I nurture my business? That feels different, doable. Something I can wrap my mind around and think about putting into action steps on a regular basis, like making sure that the kids have clean clothes and snacks after school, brush their teeth or get some exercise.  The simplicity of her approach also speaks to me. There are 3 central nurturing points: determine your audience’s biggest issue, educate them and discuss solution(s).  Really clear and concise.  Just to get my feet wet and keep my business in front of my audience, I started sending a “Thought” to my database 5 days a week…it is a 30 second thing that has gotten a very positive response. It is one way I am beginning to nurture my coaching business. 

Respectfully,

Marggie Paris, LSW, BCC

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/billbouton/4742731237/">Bill Bouton</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>

Web Watch #5

As Valentine’s Day approaches and our thoughts turn to relationships, I thought it fitting to look at Doug Silsbee’s latest blog entry “The Marriage of Intuition and Rigor”. http://www.dougsilsbee.com/blog/rigor

This is a relationship that every coach could benefit from examining. Doug is the “presence-based coach” and being absolutely present in the coaching relationship requires a discipline and practice all its own…then to be able to determine when your intuition is truly appropriate and useful to the coaching conversation is a skill on another level completely.  And, one worth developing, I believe.  So many of us in the coaching profession have good intuition skills, but by itself, intuition is not enough.

Here is a great nugget from Doug Silsbee on the partnership of intuition and rigor, “Intuition imbues the coaching process with grace, with art, with connectedness that opens new territory. Rigor is the process of recognizing and owning the inevitable pieces of unfinished business, on holding ourselves accountable to skillful means, and grounding our intuition to ensure that it is truly of service, at least most of the time.”

He phrases this beautifully, almost romantically. If each one of us brought this “marriage” to our practices, to our client relationships it would benefit both parties.  This is definitely worth a read and be sure to check out the comments from his readers which are really insightful.

Respectfully,

Marggie Paris, LSW, BCC

President's Letter for February

"If you were to sum up your work in the world with one word, what would it be?"

When I heard this question last week, the first word that came to mind was "trust." I immediately dismissed it and searched my mind for another word. Why? How could that word sum up my worldwork (work I feel called to do)? My own journey of self-trust couldn't possibly reflect my main contribution to the world, could it? Yes.

As I continue to let this truth sink in, I’m struck with how obvious it seems. Trust is one of my core values…one of my top three. How then could I think to escape its influence in anything that I do? How then should it influence everything that I do?

How about you? During ICF Chicago’s January chapter meeting we were challenged to ask as many people as possible to give us 5 words that describe us when we are at our best. What were the themes that showed up? What words represent you at your core? Which ones sum up your worldwork?

As we head into month two of 2013 keep paying attention to these words. Let them guide you throughout the year and see what happens!

Speaking of which, you won’t want to miss our upcoming chapter meetings and workshop. You spoke and we listened…these meetings will be highly interactive, experiential, and will provide distinct take-aways that can be used with clients immediately.  Check out our calendar for more details. CCEUs are available for each meeting and workshop.

Upcoming Chapter Meetings: http://icf-chicago.org/calendar.cfm

February 11: "Strategies for Coaching Multicultural Clients" – Taking our awareness of diversity and culture to a new level!

March 11: "Introduction to SHIFT to Above-the-Line, Positive Thinking” – Part one of a seven part SHIFT process to coach people to positive energy.

Upcoming Workshop: http://www.icf-chicago.org/meetings-events.cfm?id=49

March 12: “SHIFT to Above-the-Line, Positive Thinking” – An extended workshop to learn all seven parts of the SHIFT coaching process! Sign up now!

And finally, do you want to grow your strengths and honor your values in a supportive and collaborative community setting? Check out our volunteer opportunities  http://icf-chicago.org/membership.cfm?id=75for ways you can bring your influence and contribution to the Chicagoland coaching community and beyond!

With Appreciation,

Wendy Balman, MA, CPCC, ACC | ICF Chicago President

Web Watch Week #4

Life & Business Coaching Blog | Life coach shares comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business. He provides personal success strategies for your life and your career from his base in St. Louis.

Because a lot of us are still in resolution mode, this week we feature Dieter Pauwels’, “Believe in Yourself” blog that he wrote almost one year ago.  It is a creative, concise how-to for achieving any goal. “Beliefs + values=motivation” makes for a great formula to take anyone to action. Aligning one’s head, heart and gut create the power needed to drive that action. Dieter’s 3-pronged belief formula is the key to success. For whatever it is that you want to achieve 1. Believe that it is truly possible, 2. Believe you have everything it takes to get there and 3. Believe you truly deserve it.

I had an AHA after reading this, because I think a lot of people really get tripped up on #3 on their road to goal achievement.

Check out the blog link above to find out more.

My web watches are affirming that the coaching community is a thoughtful, creative group that brings positive change to the world, one client at a time. Imagine if everyone believed in themselves!!

Respectfully,

Marggie Paris LSW, BCC

 

Web Watch Week 3

This week we take a look at what our Australian cohorts are blogging about in regards to Executive Coaching. I found a really interesting blog on the IECL (Institute of Executive Coaching & Leadership) site. http://www.iecl.com/_blog/Executive_Coaching_Blog 

It is based on Dr. Hilary Armstrong’s November 2013 white paper, Follow the Leader: Leader Development for the Future which is well worth reading, if this subject interests you. [free download available at the link above]

Today’s business world is vastly different than even 2 years ago and continues to change. The old norms are no longer relevant. Globalization and social media are changing traditional business models as well as the leadership necessary to run them. Businesses that question the current and future relevance of its policies and procedures and expand their focus to include extended networks inside and outside of their organization will have the edge.

These hot points that Dr. Armstrong makes illustrate the key elements of evolved leadership and their organizations:

-        “Meaning and shared purpose are more important than vision and mission.

-        Reciprocal relationships are more important than individual competency.

-        Practice is more important than policy and procedure. 

-        Power is addressed transparently as a constructive resource rather than as a means of underhanded manipulation or bullying to achieve personal gain.

-        Creativity and innovation give the market edge.”

I imagine that working at an organization that has this type of dynamic leadership would be invigorating, challenging and satisfying. Sign me up!

 

(Check out the IECL Facebook and IECL Twitter pages!)

Respectfully,

Marggie Paris LSW, BCC

Web Watch - Week 2

Michelle Armstrong, BCC Life & Wellness, recently authored a blog, “Don’t Eliminate, Crowd Out in 2013” that I discovered on my alma mater’s website, ILCT (The Institute for Life Coach Training).     

I absolutely respect her re-examination of the New Year Resolution phenomenon, what will I give up this year? 

She believes that “Human nature is to hunger for that which we can’t have and denying ourselves sets us up for failure.” I tend to agree. She purposes that instead of eliminating the negative behavior (i.e., I will give up eating fast food) we will have better success by embracing the positive (i.e., I will eat 10 meals this week that I have prepared at home). The ultimate goal being to eat healthier, and by focusing on increasing more positive behaviors, they “will crowd out things we want to eliminate”.

She gives some great examples of applying this new resolution technique to 3 different areas; relationships, nutrition and finances.  This is a fresh approach to a January staple.

Respectfully,

Marggie Paris, LSW, BCC